6 months

Wow, what a roller coaster these last 6 months have been. Bringing another boy into our family, moving to Boston, Pete starting a new job, John and Dan starting 1st and 3rd grade at a new school... and everything that goes along with all of those changes. I feel like I'm a pretty optimistic person in general and am always up for a good challenge and an adventure, but these past 6 months have been extremely challenging. In our Christmas card that we'll be sending out, we wrote "This has been an eventful, challenging and joyful year." Pete joked that we should put the word "challenging" in bold and uppercase. Every once in a while people will ask me which number of child has been the hardest. I used to say that the first was the hardest and always would be... getting used to being a mom, being responsible for a little person 24 hours a day, not getting any sleep... but I think I can now say #5 has been the hardest to adjust to. It's probably partly due to the fact that we moved when he was 3 weeks old... a lot of change all at once. Pete and I like Jim Gaffigan, a comedian, and in one of his acts he jokes that having the 4th baby is like you're drowning... and then someone hands you a baby. Well, that's pretty much how this baby has felt at times. I have hardly been able to catch my breath and, at times, I have felt like I'm drowning. It seems like a nearly impossible task to just get the basics done sometimes... everyone fed, laundry done, kids dressed, dishes, wiping tears, wiping bums (way too many), cleaning up spills, trying to keep people happy, fitting in exercise, fitting in some kind of spiritual study, spending time with Pete and keeping our relationship strong, meeting each child's needs... it is easy to get overwhelmed by all that I have to do each day. Yet I'm grateful for the challenges that motherhood brings. Even though it is hard... just plain hard... I feel like I am constantly being stretched and pushed to my limits. Hopefully being molded into the person that Heavenly Father wants me to become. And surely I could not do this without His help. I feel like I still don't pray as much as I should, but prayer has helped get me through the hardest of times.

But certainly there have been many joyful moments. Waking up in the morning with Sam lying next to me, looking up at me with one of his big smiles is such a sweet way to start the day. The baby stage is really hard for me, time consuming and very physically demanding, but Sam has been a great baby overall. He has refused a bottle over and over so we have had to rely solely on nursing, but he is starting to eat fruits, veggies and cereal now. I'm so grateful that I've been able to nurse him this long. It has been very bonding, and I feel like my love for him is overflowing. As much as I complain about how hard it is to have a baby, I love him like crazy. He won't be a baby forever. Who knows, maybe I'll miss having a baby around, when that day comes. I went to Dallas in October to visit my sister Brittney and her family and took Sam along. It was a wonderful weekend. It was so fun to be with my sister, who I hadn't seen since Christmas, and also so fun to spend so much one on one time with Sam. I realized that I hadn't really even had one on one time with him. Other than the middle of the night feedings. I hadn't ever really sat there with him and just looked at him and played with him. That's so sad to say, but with 4 other needy kids, Sam is usually held as I'm cooking, nursed while I'm reading to one of the other kids, quickly spoon fed while I'm answering homework questions, or given a bath while Will or Joe is with me trying to help. My flight out to Dallas left really early, so I pretty much nursed him on and off for the first 3 hours, we were both in and out of sleep, then I just sat with him, played with him, tickled him and snuggled with him for the last hour. I felt like a young mom who had just had her first baby and loved every minute of it. The whole weekend I was able to give so much time to Sam. Hold him when he was fussy, nurse him as soon as he was hungry, put him to sleep as soon as he was tired... sadly he has to get pushed to the back burner at home if someone's needs are a higher priority than his. But he is certainly loved by all. His brothers will hold him and play with him and snuggle him. Joe is probably the one who interacts with him the most. He'll show him toys, kiss his face, shake his hand (a little too aggressively at times), and he loves to show Sam pictures he has taken on the phone or games he is playing on the iPad. Sam is just starting to fuss when I leave the room or when someone else holds him. I guess I should be flattered that he wants to be within arms reach of me 24/7.

Will is 2 and will be 3 in March. He loves to wrestle with his older brothers. Whenever they're wrestling, Will will come and throw himself on top of someone. He's still learning to talk and communicate. There are still a lot of things he says that I just plain can't understand which can be a little frustrating, for both of us. But some of the things he says are so funny. He has learned a few lines from me or his older brothers that make me laugh when he says them, although maybe they shouldn't. Like "What the... heck?" or "Gosh!" or "Time out... stairs." Like this morning in my bed Sam spit up a little bit on Will, and Will, in all seriousness, looked at Sam said, "Sam... time out! Stairs!" As if Sam needed a time out on the stairs for spitting up on him. Will has had his fair share of time outs on the stairs and apparently feels like he can give time outs to his brothers. Will still has his big cheeks and tiny little chin and lips... a face that makes me smile. Will has become fiercely independent. Way more independent at his age than any of the other kids. He'll open the fridge, get out some yogurt, get a spoon from the drawer, sit down at the table, take off the lid and dig in. He won't ask if he can have it, he'll just help himself. And with clementines, he'll go over to the garbage, slowly take off the peel all by himself, then eat the wedges like an apple. If I ever offer to help he refuses. It gets a little frustrating when he wants to pour the syrup on his own pancakes (because he always pours way too much), or pour his own milk or juice, because he's just not strong enough to do it on his own yet. But he sure tries. He'll always try things by himself first, then if he can't do it, he'll come over to me and say "need... help." Will LOVES going to the park. I'm sad that it's getting cold and our park outings have become much less frequent, but he still asks everyday to go the park. Although he can't use a full sentence to ask, so he just says, "mmm... park." He also loves to go to his friend Isaacs house and has started to ask about his house almost every day as well. "Go... Isaac's... house." Will and Joe are starting to play together a little more while John and Dan are at school. Joe was so used to playing with John and Dan all day, it has been a little bit of an adjustment for him to only have someone younger than him around who can't talk very well and who doesn't play make believe quite like John and Dan. But they're getting better and getting more used to each other. Will gets in to things much more than the older kids ever did, it seems. He is my child who writes on walls, squirts toothpaste all over the bath tub, gets all of the cans out of the pantry closet and kicks them all over the kitchen, gets every single pan out from the kitchen cupboard and tries to put on my mascara. But I sure love him. He loves to get chased and tickled by me and especially Pete. Will is a tough kid. He can fall off a chair, trip on the cement, or bonk his head and then pop right back up as if it never happened.

Joe just turned 5 and is still home with me all day. I decided not to do preschool for him this year. For many reasons. It's expensive (so I hear), I never got around to looking for a place after we moved here, I feel like he gets enough social interaction with his brothers, at church and with friends, I didn't want to have to drive him and pick him up with a newborn in tow, and he's already a little smarty pants. I'm not anti-preschool, but I felt like it was best to not do it this year for him. I try to spend a little time with him each day doing a little "project" (although sadly, lately a formal "project" only happens about once a week). He knows his letters, knows how to write all of them, is starting to read and can count to 1,000. Yes, 1,000. Back in Michigan I took him to the grocery store with me, along with Will and he started counting as soon as we got in. By the time we were nearing the end he was in the 900's. He can do simple addition and has a great memory. But we all have weaknesses as well as strengths... Joe still hasn't caught on to the whole potty training thing (or his body hasn't matured?). But when it comes to letters and numbers and problem solving he's certainly ready for Kindergarten. Joe has the cutest little voice. We joke that he already talks like a Bostonian. He can't pronounce his r's, which is apparent especially when the r is at the end of the word. Robber = "wahbah," mother = "mothah," father = "fathah." And he kind of sounds like he has just sucked in some helium sometimes. His little voice can be so high, especially when he's talking to Sam or screaming. At church Joe is in a class with all girls. His teacher apologized to me a week or two ago about him being the only boy. I told her it's probably good for him, he's surrounded by boys 24/7 at home.

Daniel is 6 and will be 7 in a few months. He started 1st grade and seems to really enjoy school. He's confident, not afraid to speak his mind and gets along with most kids. The elementary school the kids are going to is much more diverse than their school in Michigan. After the first few days of school, Dan told me a lot of the kids in his class had brown skin and brown or black hair. Then he was coloring a small picture a few days later of 4 kids and said he was going to color 2 of them with brown skin. Dan has started collecting "treasures," mostly on his way home from school. They catch the bus at the top of our street, and Dan is always looking for garbage on the street to add to his collection. Things like coins, wire, glue lids, straws... whatever he can find. The kids drew names for homemade Christmas gifts again this year. Joe picked Dan and burned the words "Daniel's treasures" into a wooden box. I think he's going to like it. Dan still loves Legos, cars and make believe. He could play make believe with Joe all day. A few weeks ago Daniel made a goal to not eat candy for a full year. A few days later we were at church and the bishop gave him a few pieces of candy. Dan then changed the goal to not eating candy except on Sundays. Then on Tuesday he again had candy given to him for something. So again he changed the goal to no candy except on Sundays and Tuesdays. The next time he had candy in his hands he decided to start the no candy thing in February. Pete joked and said, "Why put off till tomorrow what you can put off for a few months."

John turned 8 soon after we moved here. We were able to baptize him on his birthday while Pete's parents were still out with us. Unfortunately I was really sick that day, so his baptism is a little bit of a blur. Being sick and being sleep deprived from a newborn was not a good combination. But John was so cute that day. He is such a good kid. He gave me several tight hugs and big smiles and was just glowing that day. I was so proud of him. John started 3rd grade this year and is in a class with some very rowdy boys (or so his teacher says). But his teacher says John is just the sweetest kid, is very good at following directions, and is doing well in math and reading. John loves to organize, read, hike, collect things from nature, play at the beach and watch basketball on tv. Sometimes he'll come home from school and will just want to sit and watch any college basketball replay. It doesn't matter who's playing, he'll pick a team to cheer for and will watch from beginning to bitter end. John loves to work. Whether it's yard work, helping build something or cleaning the house, he really does love to work.

And as for Pete and me... we're hanging in there. We're still getting used to the culture of Boston. Much different than Michigan. I remember Michigan taking a while to love, so maybe Boston will grow on me eventually too. But I sure miss Michigan. Mostly the people. My friends, our ward, the small town of Dexter and all the fun things we found to do there. But I really do think with time we will learn to love it here. At least I hope we will. I just feel kind of alone out here at times. Surrounded by people with much different goals and much different lives than me. Boston doesn't exactly attract people with large families. But I have made good friends with a few people from church, so that has helped. I really think that this is where we're supposed to be right now, and it has been and will be a great place for Pete to train and get to know people and further his career, but it has not been easy. We'll be going back to Utah for Christmas in just a couple weeks, so that's giving us something to look forward to. It will be so fun to be with Pete's family. It has been a year and a half since we have seen everyone but Pete's parents. Way too long.