Right now

I've been wanting to write about my life right now for quite some time.  I keep telling myself I'm going to sit down and write when I have a little "free time."  Well, that "free time" doesn't seem to exist these days.  Even as I write this I'm thinking that I should be downstairs packing the kids lunches, picking up the kitchen, shipping out orders from our Etsy shop, and starting a portrait for a lady I told would be done a week ago.  Or I could be folding laundry that's piling up, folding and packaging shirts for our Etsy shop that I wanted to have folded weeks ago, cleaning our toilets that have been neglected for a few weeks (enough said), or finish unpacking from our trip to Grand Rapids this last weekend.  Or better yet, maybe I should be listening to a Conference talk or reading my scriptures.  There seems to be an endless amount of things that need to get done at any given time.  Lately I have to force myself to stop thinking of all the things I'm NOT doing, and start thinking of all the things I AM doing.  I am managing to feed myself, 4 little boys and a man 3 meals a day.  I go grocery shopping each week, wash, dry and clean 4-5 loads of laundry each week, practice the piano with both John and Dan in the morning before school, run with Joe and Will in the jogger 4 times a week, keep up with shirt orders from our Etsy shop and read scriptures and pray with the kids every night.  And I do love to drop everything I'm doing and go to the park or for a bike ride or a hike with the kids and with Pete.  It's refreshing to leave the busyness of home and get out and just enjoy each other.  But I do wish sometimes that I had 4 more hours to each day.  4 hours where the kids were sleeping :)  I'm trying really hard to simplify our home, my schedule, and how I spend my time and be more efficient so I can have more time to do the important things.  Read a book to Joe, play Legos with John and Dan, cuddle up with Pete on the couch and just talk or... read a book for me?  Wow, it's been a long time since I've done that.  It would probably be good for me to lose myself in a book every once in a while.  I absolutely love my life right now, but boy is it busy.  And I really hate to be caught up in the busyness of today's world, everyone seems to be so busy and hurrying from place to place... but as hard as I try, my life really is just busy right now.  Busy and challenging, but wonderful.

Pete's in his third (and last) year of his Adult Psychiatry Residency right now.  People keep asking how Pete's schedule is, and I keep answering, "Oh, this year will be great.  He leaves at around 7:30 and is usually home for dinner around 6 or 6:30 and he doesn't have to work weekends."  And I just realized I've been lying.  That hasn't been his schedule at all.  That was the schedule everyone told us third year was going to be.  Pete left at 6:15 this morning and here it is, 9:15 at night, and he's still at work.  I don't know when he'll be home.  It seems like lately he's been having to leave earlier in the morning, and at least 2 or 3 nights during the week gets home right as the kids are getting in bed, around 8 or 8:30.  I'm not complaining, we've had much much worse.  The weekends off part has at least been true.

Pete recently applied to a few places for a Child Psychiatry Fellowship and will be interviewing this Fall.  Utah, Michigan and Boston are where we're looking.  We'll rank our choices at the beginning of December, then find out in January where we matched.  We've already spent countless hours talking about the pros and cons of each program and location.  I'm sure there will be much more debating, list making and praying, especially after the interviews are done.  I'm excited to see where we will be next July.

John and Dan are doing great in school, as far as I know (I sometimes have to pry information out of them to find out if things are going well or not).  It has been so fun to start this school year together.  They ride the bus to and from school together, and I can tell John has really enjoyed being the older brother, showing Dan around and leading the way.  I asked John who he's been playing with at recess, if he's been playing with Owen at all (his good friend from last year), and his reply was, "No, I usually play with Dan."  I guess they have a lot of recesses that line up together.  He came home with a handout from his Spanish class where they drew pictures under different Spanish descriptions.  There was one that said "Mis Amigos," and John had drawn 2 boys.  I asked who they were, and John said, "It's me and Dan."  Oh the joy that comes to a mother when her kids are friends and get along!  My hardest days for sure are days where there's a lot of fighting, name calling, hitting, etc.  Sometimes I'll overhear John and Dan talking about a certain teacher or "Special" class.  I was talking to Dan's teacher at a social they had a couple weeks ago and she told me how cute she thought John and Dan were together.  She said on the first day of school, John waited for Dan at the bottom of the hill leading up to the busses so he could make sure Dan knew where to go and what bus to get onto.  I picked them up from school for the first time last week and was trying to tell John and Dan what they needed to do (since it was a change in their routine) and where I would pick them up, where they needed to go, etc.  I had picked John up a few times last year, so he knew the drill, but he was VERY concerned for Daniel when Daniel said he didn't know how to get to the front doors.  Almost in tears.  John said he would watch for Dan in the hall to make sure he would find it.  I was just outside the front doors when they came out that day, and they sprinted over to me when they saw me and almost knocked me over when they hugged me.  Oh, if those hugs (in public!) that knock you off your feet could last forever.  Don't grow up my young, sweet boys!

John loves being the leader of his younger brothers.  And the younger ones clearly look up to him.  Probably the sweetest relationship is between John and Will.  John is his second mom.  John will often sneak upstairs when I am singing to Will before I put him to bed.  He'll sing with me then give Will a hug and a kiss and say "Goodnight Will!" in the sweetest little voice.  Then Will will lean over for another kiss, lips big and puckered.  Then for another kiss.  Then another.  Then I finally have to force Will away and lay him down.  He won't even do that for me!  Maybe Will figures I kiss him enough on those big cheeks of his.  They're irresistible.

John and Dan are both playing soccer this Fall.  They both seem to really enjoy it.  They have a practice at the same time every Wednesday, then a game on Saturday morning.  I'm also teaching them both piano right now.  So far so good.  I don't know how long I'll be able to teach them, I only took myself for a couple of years, but hopefully I can teach them the basics.  Practicing is apart of our morning routine, and neither of them complain anymore.  We all wake up around 6:15 or 6:30, have breakfast, then Dan practices for about 20 minutes, then John 30-40.  Tonight Dan was playing around on the piano, and I heard him talking to someone.  I peaked into the living room and Joe was up there next to him, Dan was showing him what he knew and trying to teach Joe a few things.  A sweet moment.

Joe finally has me all to himself for at least a couple hours during the day.  He's been waiting almost 4 years for this :)  We aren't doing preschool for him this year, but are doing "school at home."  Dan often comes home and asks Joe what he did at his "school at home."  As soon as Will goes down for his nap I try to spend a little time with Joe doing a craft, a little project, flash cards, writing or reading.  It has been SO much fun to have the time alone with Joe.  What a cute little person he is.  I feel like I'm just getting to know him (is that sad?)  He is so observant, creative and smart.  He has an amazing attention span and can play with a small object or two for who knows how long.  A few Legos, a couple cars, a hammer, a book... he is very low maintenance and has such a great imagination.  Last week he had a "family" of cars... a grandma, a grandpa, dad, mom, babies... they went everywhere together, up a hill (over and over and over again), onto the couch where the "monster" was hidden behind a pillow, and back down the hill, all while having many conversations between one another.  Today "Bear," a little purple stuffed animal that makes sounds when you push its tummy (a gift from Grandpa Marcum), was his baby.  He made a bed for it, changed its diaper many times, got it dressed and undressed, took him to the park with us and insisted that I help him on the monkey bars and take him to the top of the slide so he could catch Bear at the bottom.  Joe loves playing with his older brothers (most of the time), but with them gone, he's left to his own imagination with no one to interrupt him, and it's been fun to see this other side of him.  Joe will turn 4 next month.  4!  I can hardly believe it.  Unfortunately we are still having issues with potty training.  Ugh.  I'm to the point where it doesn't even phase me when he wets his pants, I just tell him to go finish going in the toilet then get some new underwear and pants.  Maybe I need to take a more firm approach?  I don't know.  I feel like I've tried a lot of different things.  Maybe time is the answer.  He had 3 accidents today.  He will be wearing pull-ups all day tomorrow.

And Will.  Oh, dear Will.  The most adorable little boy on the planet, melts my heart every time I look at him, but destroys the house and anything the kids are doing and has learned to hit and throw things at his brothers, unprovoked.  Maybe I can't remember exactly how the other kids were at 18 months, but I'm pretty sure none of them were this destructive and had this much energy.  I was talking to my sister a few days ago, and she mentioned that her daughter Paisley, just a month younger than Will, was her easiest at home.  Wow, Will is by far my hardest.  He is into EVERYTHING.  This is the first time I have had to seriously baby proof the house.  The second he has his hands on a pen or marker, he's pulling the lid off and getting ready to right on the wall or couch.  His favorite thing is to take out everything in every kitchen cupboard.  He also loves to climb up on the kitchen table and throw things off or help himself to whatever is up there.  A few days ago he climbed up there, took our flower out of the vase and I turned around to see him drinking the water.  He got into the cupboard with the sugar a few weeks ago.  He had been quiet and still for a little while (which is always a bad sign), and went over to find that he had taken off the lid and was eating sugar by the handfuls.  Last week when the kids were getting ready for school, I again noticed it was just a little too quiet.  I started looking around for Will and found him out front in our neighbors yard.  He had pushed the door open and snuck out, and when I went out there, our neighbor, who had been backing out of her driveway, had sent one of her daughters out to take Will back to his house.  What a good mom I am, right?  And Will loves toilets.  He loves to flush them over and over again lately.  A few months ago his thing was to splash in them.  He has now moved on to tearing off small bits of toilet paper and dropping them in.  I'm really nervous that he's going to start flushing things down.  I've seen him a few times in the last few days carrying small objects toward the toilet.  I caught him before I could find out what he was going to do.  We were in Grand Rapids this last weekend and stayed at a hotel.  Will had a chip in his hand and had gone into the bathroom.  I peaked inside just in time to see him dip his chip in the toilet then put it in his mouth!  So gross!  Anyway, I could really go on and on... and maybe I will... as I said earlier, Will loves getting into the kitchen cupboards.  A month or two ago I was watching him and noticed that he was putting things he found under the sink into the garbage.  I tried to keep an extra good eye out for the cupboard under the sink, but soon enough I noticed that a few things were missing.  Our steel scrubbers, our stovetop cleaner, a few drain plugs and who knows what else.  All taken out in our trash by me.  And Will LOVES to throw things.  From the time he was very small and coordinated enough to do it, he would throw his food when he was done or if he didn't want it.  Not just a sneaky slide off the high chair, but a quick raise of the arm, overhand, aggressive throw.  And unfortunately, this has transferred to things other than food.  He often throws toys, blocks, Legos, whatever, at his brothers.  Not really to be mean.  Just to see what will happen?  I don't know, I'm trying to figure it out.  He has also picked up hitting from his olders.  For some reason he especially loves to hit Dan (I shouldn't say for some reason... Dan is by far the most physical with him.  That might explain it).  He especially likes to hit when someone is mad or crying.  Not very nice.  I really hope he doesn't become some kind of bully.  I'm beginning to discipline him more, giving him 1-minute timeouts in his crib.  But it's still really hard for me, he's just so darn cute!  Wow, I really rambled on... as naughty as this little boy is, he is equally as charming.  He loves to wave at people, cars, the bus, daddy when he's leaving, anything.  When Pete leaves for work, Will will also pucker his lips for a goodbye kiss.  Will snuggles with me before bed, lies his head down on my shoulder while I sing him a song.  When he gets hurt he'll come running to me and cry into my shoulder or neck and let me just hold him and hug him.  He makes us laugh every day and loves the attention we give him when he's doing something silly.  He sure keeps me busy and on my toes, but I can't imagine our little family without him.

I feel so blessed to be the mother of these 4 boys and to have Pete as their dad and my dear husband.  Pete is more than supportive of me and is overly complimentary of me as a mother.  I feel like I couldn't do it without him.  And that we couldn't do all that we're trying to do without each other.